Don’t fight it, use it

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A success story for somebody with A.D.D happens when the you start trying to fix it and complete ;ofe ;ike a normal person, and refrfame it as your spoecial skill. Do it the way that works, and then build a…

Don’t fight it, use it

A success story for somebody with A.D.D happens when the you start trying to fix it and complete ;ofe ;ike a normal person, and refrfame it as your spoecial skill. Do it the way that works, and then build a system to convertit for practical use.

 

One of the dreams I actually don’t wan t toi suceed is one of the ones I’d be best at and can’t do.

 

Video training.

The more prep time there ius betwen thinking about an idea for the future and doing it, is one of the qualifieyers I use to give up. I have severa\l dreams, and in meah, I have a perception that I would not enjoy this scenario. I can see the future and although the whole idea works as a concept, I am not sure I could cast muself in the role of Jeff. I can’t at this point decide if I will love being in front of a camera to talk and teach and share, or whether the anietyt of public failure and compare will make me awkward.

The change in my videos from the ones I do hight anbd happy to the ones where I know somebdy is watching, or this may actuallty be one I use. I hate myself more, the closer my dreeams get to realioty.  IF they are long shots I’ve been slowly building as life goals, I am fine… but if I get serious and write about actually coinidering it – or even start planning, then I no llonger want to. I run away. I find a zeppelin to distract me, and it may be years before we think of tghis again.

I havbe an unspecfie numbe of idesa that are ready to go, if I wasn’t so terrified.  In my logic, erverything I’ve ever tried has failed. IT’s a genewralization I have exceptions to, but my original company from quitting my income based job 30 year ago, I have almost made it. I’ve come so close, which I define as still being here.

I can use that story only as pride quickly. It doesn’t stad up to cross examination by the negative voice. Included in a package deal with my pride bunbdle ios the failkiure that I’m  always only prideful of anything I do if I get to preen t itr and not answer any quetions. My pride in myself and FRogstar is weak. I am proud my customers like me and tyhe services I offer them. I am sad that in some cases, I know I am a disservice,

I save trying the big ones becquase sometime syuou can on;ly fail something important once.  I have convimned myself that there is a whole building of seriousness I have never tapped into, and I can wok to getting closer that way.  My big ideas need toi be run by somebody else.

Sadly, that makes them easy to ignore in storanmge, and then write an article about trying to figure out if it makes me happy when somebody else succeeds on a plan or an idea I put away 20 years ago.

Now suddenly some light have come on that were not lit bnefore and I can see that I have been stopping myself all along. I tell the story as other things, but the truth is, I               don’t want to learn something and change. I just need to pay the bills until the next miracle comes along and I ride the wave to paying another bill.

My wave has a sidecar now and we’re not in a good click/clash sync for reasons beyond our control.

The rut of a content existance is slowly paved and furnished with eveything you need.

I adapt. I’ll tell you I actually prefer this rut to the home I ws jthrown out of. Every experience is a story.

Maybe I have to write mine when I am at the bottom.

 

]Did I just justify failing more in order to make me react.


This is a new time for me.  My life has less expected and more gult than usual. It’s a new maze for me to find the couch and be useless in.

Nap time.

Nap will not come.  My mand wanders to my options again and somnehow I seem top have less now.  TV, make content, play gamne.

All seem dull to mne now.

 

 

Sometimes I can’t make a decison so I do thatthing will force the wave to change direction and a new day will be filled with new things.

I take a drug.

Today a new one. 6 does of a Psilocin that should be a managble higher does, which may be almost zeo effect because of my body’s long tolerance it has worked out.

1ap.  I did it. Teh choice has been made that I’ll accept a house full of no foods and hopefully the new drug will not make me weaker in any ncesessity before I can refeul.

I am noit sd or scared or regretful. I am the sam blah I was but in an hour, something will be noticed thatgis diferent.

 

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