For me, boredom is when you seem to have the ability to not creatively think of anything to do. For me, it goes deeper. I have come to understand and believe, that I seem to have the ability to almost never think of what to do.
I was either fired or almost fired from every job I ever had because I seemed to have the ability to do nothing. To not be able to see new tasks or even old tasks that needed continuation.
It’s hard to explain how it is. It doesn’t see, likely to anyone with a brain that doesn’t function this way. I don’t remember things without a cue, or a trigger or a question.
I just don’t think when I’m alone. I’m never bored when there is a person in front of me or somehowinteractivee. I am driven by the facial reactions and instant feedback when I’m “on”. It’s not only mt favourite time when I get to interac and see smiles, it’s really my only memerable time.
If I’m alone, I can work off a list, but it’s very easy to be distracted and if the task isn’t on the list, I will not return to it without prompting.
If you’re my wife, this may be referred to as nagging. When you tell me to do something, and you have to tell me 3 or 5 or 16 times before it gets done, know that is actuually the only way I work.
In short, if I can not finish a task in one continuous moment, then I will never return to finish it, unless asked or somehow reminded. I don’t really look back in life. My mind works in a continuoius flow of thought in the NOW. The “ON” Jeff as I descibed him previously.
I’m learning these practices too late in life I fear.
(depressing music theme plays)
Speaking of music, I have been thinking of writing plays, or fiction… but that dicipline is way more than I ….
Fuck I said. Fuck.
I continue these writings every weekend when I take a toke or two. I have great pride in many, and future pride if editing is involved.
It neverr is. It’s never seen. It’s shared, but without fanfare and quite frankly it’s first impressions. are p… there I go again… crushing my joy.
I even heard from Guilt, who I have imagined as a seperate voice. He is like Iimagine Gelman to be. A voice that pops into my thought from time to time, like a quiet page from behind the curtain on a stage.
Excuse me. I happened to notice the TV in the other room come back on. Youre tyoping probbaly is keeping her from sleep.
It is enough to break my flow and stop the negative tone.
I just need a fan. A reader that actually gets it, and likes it enough to say it made them – preferrably a her, smile.
It’s quite literally a work in progress am I. I believe my creativity could make me money. I just need a supporting fan.
I need a person to tell me what to do, and manages my time to touch on projects and start and do… All the hundreds of things I’ve blogged about, never shared. ANy one of the ideas, or hubdreds.
I never networked. I was in a position to network. I knew all the techies of my generation by face. I worked Canada’s premier comopuyter show every year for at least 10 years. I sold computers at a time when I’d meet almost everyone from certain industries. Our retail shop began even before the first computers were sold, and evolved with it’s nerdy clientel. I used to joke we were ther barber shop of Commodore. We should cut hair too.
I still have three or four in my contacts, or client base.
Mind Flood. A wush of nothing flows through my brain taking thought with it like a river with high water that overflows the banks.
A sign of tired. Sleep would normally happen here, when weed is the only thing I’m on.
11:25pm Thursday. I have no Saturday Adventures and almost no drugs.
end of part 1.