My mind tends to go to dark scenarios pretty quickly, but I have learned they’re not real and my recovery time is much faster these days. I might immediately be triggered by something that means something to me but I no longer assume it means the same thing to others.
I still use the skills I learned in more depressing times like detecting minor facial reactions and the way people word their passive aggressive answers, but I’ve come to learn It doesn’t mean they hate me or they’re mad at me or they want me to leave.
Which is good cuz I really don’t have anywhere else to go. That’s that thought alone strikes me now and then and I am glad that my interpretations of people being angry or frustrated with me are no longer.
I don’t like this entire blog post and I’m going to quit here. I don’t really remember what I was going to type in. I just had lunch with my sister and that can sometimes stir up some memories because I worry that a spontaneous lunch date could be the prelude to a discussion or the opportunity to reveal frustration and anger. It almost never is but that worry still comes with any invitation.
I also feel like I should ask and check in. Ask if everything is fine, which it always is, but then I wonder if she means it or just prefers to avoid conflict.
To summarize, I’m still crazy, but less so.
