I’d hate to lose my blog. Over 3000 facts and fantasies from my life. My struggles with autism, ADHD, relationships, asexuality and drug use. This year TikTok has been busy labeling all sorts of things I thought were unique to me, RSD and other acronyms. Rejection sensitivity disorder has been a part of my life forever but I’m not certain it’s an ADHD thing. Just as likely it stems from being ADHD and reacting to the way people react to me.

My oversensitivity to injustice is another one they gave an acronym to. I had no idea it was a thing until TikTok. I just figured I was trying to be perfect and it bothered me when other people weren’t. I like doing what I’m told and following rules.

These are examples of some of the things I blocked about in my life story online. Not a lot of people read it especially because of all the warnings of high drug use and nose picking.

I still have pride in my writing though. In the style that has been described as it sounds like you’re talking. In many ways that is exactly how I write and more often than not I am talking and the phone is translating it to text.

My blog goes back decades and frequently it entertains me to go back and read some of the posts. To review the cycles of ups and downs and sideways posts. Some of them are the same 10 years later and others are like they were written by a different person.

I have a poor memory for the past especially when it pertains to people or emotions. My best memories are with other people and not alone. The blog helped with that.

I hope I don’t lose those posts. There is a possibility still and I’ve been working it trying to revive it over 4 days because of a foolish mistake I made. I make a lot of those, and I blog about a lot of those.

On the other hand, I am often fine with leaving things behind. Doing them was the fun part. It’s only recently I started looking at the blog after I wrote things. I almost never proofread or reread any of it. I understand that conceptually I could certainly live with this loss. Last year I ran away from home and left absolutely everything behind except one fork and my phone. I think about those memories lost but not very often.

A great many of us will die and leave behind vast collections of things that they have not seen or touched or thought of in decades. Things we kept because we thought we should are everywhere. The blog always gave me hope though that somebody would read something of mine and smile. Click the like button or share or comment in any way but I know that didn’t happen. In 3000 posts, I got two comments and they were from people I knew.

That wasn’t the point of the blog. It was a poor replacement for a best friend that I could vent to and now at 60, I don’t even have good friends that are vent worthy these days. Which is why I’m blogging here. Picking up where I left off with less drug content but the same me.

If this is what ends up being the blog, so be it. Whatever will be will be.