This is a test of me belonging using my voice. But not making a video. I don’t have a good explanation as to why I’m not just making a video. Should I? It’d be a lot easier.

3 hours later.

I’m back. I just wanted to take a moment and record in words, how much fun I had today, alone. I did the same things I would have done when we were together, except without the punchines, or interaction. I got to enjoy the emotions of my surroundings.

The fact that I’m high as fuck didn’t hurt.

High as fuck.

…..

People watching is a lot of fun if you let it be.

Seeing how others interact, is an amazing experience, even without the drugs. But then I might not see the things I see.

Odd couplings

I saw a homeless woman taking a selfie next to the dumpster that may have been the only wall of where she spent the night.

I though, why not. The secret to happiness is figuring out how to balance the pride. Too .uch and you become an asshole. 

Everyone can have pride in themselves. Some kids are trained with pride. Others are not.

Pride was not anything we ever needed to discuss. I live without much understanding of my parents. I’m sure they were proud of their son, but to me, I only really saw the disappointment from them, in the time before ADD was a diagnosis and not just a smart kid who doesn’t do well on reading or writing.

Or sports

Or games

Or any of the dozens of things I tried and quit through life. I didn’t learn it was just my brain till I was 27 at the end of the only career I’d ever know. I was the last standing Amiga salesman.

I chuckle, and then stop and wonder if I was. Could I have held on longer than anyone still selling Amigas? It’s actually why I quit.

the greatest job I ever had was helping people decide what computer they wanted to buy.

the worst job I ever had was that exact same job except the computer I was selling them wasn’t a good choice for them.

I quit. My company had backed the loser and as commodore fell, the battle of the OS was down to just two.

I miss it. I miss helping people make a good choice. Its not an easy thing.

I was good at it, as long as I believed it was a good deal for the customer.

Related posts:

Today was an intentional fail. A sabotage. A way of running away. The 15 minutes of — anything Last of the bad. I can do that, I just can’t do that NOW.