The idea of getting found out as a drug user living in a house owned by non-drug users is a constant fear. It’s not so bad where I live now and my sister is currently aware although probably not fully aware of the amount of meth i smoke on a daily basis. I don’t know how much her husband knows if he’s aware of anything. 

I have almost no shame in the knowledge that my sister’s addiction to cigarettes is worse than my addiction to amphetamines. I believe that the damage caused by her addiction is far worse. The stigma is probably worse for mine but society has turned against habituous markers more and recent years. 

Reality stigma of methods still much worse. It is pretty much considered the worst of all the drugs although I don’t really believe that it’s as bad as some of the others and certainly not as bad as smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol on your body and the people around you. My usage is secret and invisible. A cigarette habit is annoying to those around you and inconvenient to anyone who has to stop what they’re doing and take time for you too ingest every so often. Smoking interrupts conversations and the smoker misses out on so much by having time leave the dinner table early or hang back before going into any movie or event. 

In my case specifically, I am able to do without if needed. I’m currently sitting on a park bench in the nice park at a busker festival all alone because she had to walk all the way back to the car to get her cigarettes otherwise she would ” be grumpy. 

It’s annoying. Equally annoying is her attitude towards it. It is a taboo subject that no one is allowed to talk about. We have accepted this as the way it is and that’s the end of the conversation. If we try to bring it up, we are the bad guy. Nobody wants to be lectured of something they’re doing wrong and I understand that but not showing any emotional guilt in such situations is irritating and quite frankly, rude. 

Her needs outweigh the needs of anyone she is inconveniencing her irritating. I shouldn’t talk about this as if it’s only her. It kind of applies to anyone smoking they verbally accept that they shouldn’t be doing it to say things like I know it’s bad but… But no smokers understand they would rather smoke then go through the withdrawals and quit. 

I suppose many drug addicts are the same but a lot of them are also using him secretary like I am and not affecting anyone around them. 

In any case, the good news is I can use this as leverage if anyone in the house dec ides they’d like to ask me to quit. I suspect very strongly that she is aware of this and it might be the reason we’ve never had a conversation about it. The cost of her living with the knowledge of a tenant that uses meth is that I won’t debate the issue. She doesn’t want to risk me saying I’ll quit when you do.