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Mood Swing
I had to abandon my whole shopping cart at Walmart today. They declined my card. The app shows I have enough money. It just fails. I'm out with family and that spoiled my day. It's not just that I can't buy my groceries and I'll have no fudgcycles or chocolate when I...
Snapchat Showcase
Not all visual effects were created by Snapchat but most were.
Side Effects may include
blog thoughts late at night.
The Practice Universe
Our world is a hard thing to survive and it's easy to forget that a lot of people do not experience much of it the way we do. The social media is excellent at educating us all about social anxiety, the autism spectrum and new gender acceptance. We are all just trying...
Morning chore is a chore
The cows are cute but feeding them is still a pain. A constant chore
Wet Hay, and me
Today’s the first day that I have been somewhat stranded in the rain. I guess anything’s better than snow at this point
Am I proud?
This past week I started my trend of creating videos and manipulating images while high. In the past year or so, there has been amazing advancements in AI video and image creation. So I had quite a bit of fun this week and created a whole bunch of images and videos...
The 3:30am decision
By now, it's pretty much a given that day 3 comes and goes without sleep. It's Wednesday and for a short moment it seemed like there was a chance I might fall asleep, but then I make the decision to stay up, so I blow three clouds. I've been listening to a lot of...
The morning shift.
It's 930am. I'm over stimulated after my first deep sleep and ready to start the final leg of my mini holiday. I'm already stressed and tired.
The routine adapts
I had two good sleeps, back to back. All day and all-night Friday. Today I need to concentrate on nourishment. I need more food in me to give me strength and energy. It would have been the right time to take a break from daily usage. I smell. The room smells. I'm worn...
Big Ben
Ben looks like a great Pyrenees dog. He's huge and white and has the dew claws. Apparently he's not officially a great Pyrenees but he's close. The second dog I ever owned was a great Pyrenees and he was quite dumb and unfortunately chaste moving cars so he didn't...
Spokes people-ish
I’ve been playing with artificial intelligence videos trying to find free ones. These are two examples
The chain of events
It was 630am the day after my birthday. The phone rang. It kept ringing and I woke up mid dream eventually but didn't quite unlock the phone in time. Then it rang again and I saw the message; SOS. THE SITE IS DOWN. I knew why. It was my fault, sort of. I forgot to...
Comparing Better
There is no denying that living in a bedroom that is almost 100° f is a bed that is infested with bed bugs that eat away at you each night by the hundreds in a house owned by an unpredictable control freak with lots of issues is not a healthy environment. My current...
I miss the mornings of the past
Mornings used to be fun. I'd wake up and turn on the radio and follow along with my morning radio friends. They do crazy things and share opinions and take requests. I'd enter contests and even win occasionally. It was a belonging feeling.I still have most of the...
New life to Second Life
Playing with new AI lipsync software to bring my alternate reality partner to life
Crazy shit
There are quite a few crazy things drug users do that seems foreign to those who are not. Rationalations and justifications and waking up at 230am on a much needed sleep day because it's probably confession day so I wanted to be high far enough in advance to mask the...
Distraction Post
This is an experimental pull from Facebook that displayed all my profile pics. From Profile pictures. Posted by Jeff Goebel on 10/11/2010 (121 items) Ni I have found people responsive to my own mental illness when it becomes a topic. In m... Doplegammer! Generated by...
I am your Orange
Three different people shared this TikTok post with me last week. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Beau Blackmore...
New Farm Life
For the last 3 years I've lived on a half acre property that I called a farm. There was one gigantic pig, two dogs, nine cat, broken into two groups of four and five that weren't allowed to interact with each other, a bunch of chickens, and a mean rooster that I...
The battle against regret
This is Friday. On Monday morning, I got into the car with my sister and we started a mini vacation to the Vancouver area. I am not certain how I feel about the whole experience yet because I've been under the influence of my drugs in secret the whole time. I have...
Am I normal enough for you?
I am feeling anxious today. It's the last day of my week long mini vacation as with most things, the end means it's time for evaluation. Both inside my head, and on the minds of others, in this case, my travel companion sister. She has real concern for my wellbeing...
Is it wrong to ask for less caring?
It's exhausting to not be a wreck in front of you, especially when you're there. All day. I think I let you down. I'm not what you were expecting.
Uneasy feeling. Mind and body
I don't feel good. I'm thinking too much and it's making me feel almost sick. I don't say anything because it will start something I'm not equipped to handle now. I can't decide whether eating would have helped or not. I can't decide anything. It is not a pleasant...
If I was honest, nobody would believe me
My story is one that is probably so foreign to many people, that it seems made up, or at least exagurated. I am an odd case. I was almost self raised with less guidance that I would have gotten if I was left with wolves. I suppose when I start making statements like...
A new twist on my continuing idea.
A lot of my ideas for businesses come from previous ideas expanded. There are things that I want to do but. because I'm me haven't been able to do and so I keep coming back to them with different versions until maybe one day I can. complete one.. My current project at...
Emotions are confusing
It's September 10th already. A lot has happened around me and including me and I have not been handling it very well. I wasn't even blogging about it. I just got high and tried to avoid consequences. I'm not happy in a different way than I was before. More guilt here...
Sadness Looms
It's not a good Monday. Withdrawal, hydration, no sweets to eat. TV seems boring.
Life loops. Chores
I have always seen life as a series of loops. Things that happen over and over that old people see more clearly than young people. The way of the world in a constant repetition starting with day after day, week after week, year after year but also the loops of society...
My thoughts are arguing
Don't be fooled by silent calmness.
My first dog show
My sister owns and breeds Havanese dogs for show. This year, I was asked to come along and take photographs and videos but I stayed in the club booth for aa lot of the time, and sold a lot of merch.
Has it only been one day?
It seems so long since I've blogged but apparently, it was yesterday. I did nothing today. My only accomplishment besides getting the mail and eating was the brilliant idea to check the internet about my problem with the broken tv. I got it working around 5pm so my...
Blah blah blah Tuesday
I don't really feel like doing anything today. Even this blog was a chore. I almost just typed blah and saved it at that. Today is one of those days where I take mental stock of my situation and blah is the best I can come up with. It's better in most ways than it was...
Club.frogstar.com
I want to share with you a dream project I have been developing. It is an online private social club for drug fans to hang out and mingle. Unlike many social media sites, we won't block you for drug content. I own a hosting company and I'm a web developer so the sky...
It’s hard doing nothing among the busy
When I lived in Niagara Falls, it was common to sleep a day. To wake up, look around, and then go back to sleep and repeat until it was the next day. I didn't do it all the time but I certainly did it more than occasionally. Even on the days when I was awake, I didn't...
I am an Orange
I found the perfect shared meme.
Fuck god didn’t let me say it.
The most significant fucking dream of my life And I woke up to pee at the best part. I probably can't explain it in the detail of needs now. Fuck. I was doing a court ordered monologue on stage for my admission to the good place, and I made it, but they didn't let me...
Scary Mafia Dream
Last night I had a scary dream. I had gotten myself into trouble by becoming involved with a mafia drug dealer that freely killed people in front of me. I was following the rules and instructions as I do, but I wasn't being treated fairly. Other employees were being...
How AI is Revolutionizing Content Creation: A Deep Dive into Jetpack AI Assistant
Well, well, well... Look who's trying to make their content fun! Don't worry, I'm here to spice things up for you. So, let's take this party to the next level and talk about how Jetpack AI Assistant is changing the content creation game! It's like having your own...
CTRL-ALT-DELETE Life Reboot.
I saw an old video clip featuring Adam Sandler sketch from Saturday Night Live this week. It was a travel commercial parody about Italy. It's main focus was the single premise; Of you're not happy at home, you won't be happy here....
My theory of the universe. Part x
a concept that struck me today with no warning. we cant travel at light speed. it may take centuries to happen, bit we would die instantly like a flashlight beam hitting a wall.
Travel photography…snapshots of that moment you’ll never look at again
After my recent throw everything I own in the garbage moment, I find myself evaluating what to keep moving forward.I tossed my personal art photo album.that was a momentarily emotional loss. All my artistic photography from the days when the cameras used film and you...
Scripted Dreams
I almost always dream in a universe seperate from my reality. It has differences from my awake world but it's pretty consistent within itself. Then there my scripted dreams. I'm not always in them.Dreams that are presented more formally as either existing movies or TV...
Finding Smiles
It's not always easy, and you need to train yourself, but with practice it is possible to find humour in so many things in life that other people might not.I am 30,000 feet up in the air today. I'm above the clouds, and probably won't undo my seatbelt and try to move...
Trying hard to not feel bad
As one chapter ends, a new life begins. Living out of a knapsack at age 60
Using up my un-used burden points
Fuck it. Throw it all away. This time I mean it. I sense a pattern. I don't like the whole act of moving, so I always end up just staring into space for the final week, not able to compartmentalize tasks, and then I just walk away with things undone, leaving a massive...
To be continued
It's 5:17am and I'm up smelling that horrible coffee smell, possibly for the last time. The final full day in Ontario, quite possibly forever. There were a few last-minute offers to stay but they were really more idealistic procrastination stalls. I forced the play...
A new first…
As I draw closer to the end of this chapter of my life, I didn't expect to get into many new fighting matches. I didn't see today's manic outburst coming, but of course, in hindsight, I should not have been surprised that my comments ignited such rage. A conversation...
Evil Idiocy
A commentary on how stupid spam can be at times.
The Wednesday Overwhelming
I didn't get much done today, and I really needed to. its Wednesday and I had tentatively planned to visit Toronto one last time before moving thousands of kilometres away to the next chapter in my life story. I decided to make this chapter a fresh break in a new...
Friday Night Lockout
I'm not sure whether things like this are intentional or not, and I'm not sure how to react or what to do because I like to not be a bother and rock the boat. This is especially true right now because he's decided to be angry with me this month. Little things will...
8:23pm came with a side of sadness.
I've been doing ok with life. I know I'm doing poorly and only getting a few tasks done per day. By around 3pm I nap or just stare at the ceiling. Later in the afternoon, I start TV and get a few shows in before sleep. More accurately, before I lay still awaiting...
Funny thing happened on the way to the bin
Just as I’m preparing to move, life laughs at me
Things I do wrong, part 47
Last Saturday and Sunday I helped Willie with some landscaping. Apparently this signified the beginning of a life change for me where I was supposed to spend several hours every day for the rest of my stay here helping him with his busy work. I don't mean that as an...
Motivation stall
It's Wednesday morning at 8:45 a.m. and already I haven't done anything. Starting on Sunday I was quite motivated to be productive and then Monday and Tuesday I followed up with slightly lessened productivity but still 3 days that I consider somewhat progressive...
Mid May update
There are moments in my life when I'm not sad. Not many these days, but some. Today had a few of those moments in between the depression. I paid down the electricity bill by begging for help. A $900 payment stayed off the disconnect, but not for long. Despite paying...
Don’t stall till Friday… Don’t stall till Friday
I have to chant this over and over. Don't stall till Friday. Today, at 8:31 a.m., I called the power company and pleaded with them to give me an extra week. Today was the last day before we got our disconnect notice and I still don't have any idea how I'll come up...
I’ll do it right after a quick nap
My social media feeds these days are all filled with people talking about their ADHD symptoms. It's trending to be autistic apparently which makes it all the more difficult for people who have known about this for years. Now when I complain about ADHD symptoms, people...
I took out the garbage – in a dream
I forgot to wake up before I remembered to take out the garbage to the curb this morning.
Oops. 4pm was too late.
I procrastinate for all kinds of reasons. Different diagnoses come up with different reasons or justifications. ADHD explains it away and avoidance disorder explains it away. Sometimes it's just my overall fear of letting people down and being yelled at. Today I...
I have some emotions. Sadness Mostly.
I don't think about depression the same way anymore. I think about life more with sadness and frustration than I think about depression but I think it's all the same. I can't imagine what I'd be like if I wasn't taking my paxil daily. It allows me to be happy in the...
Thoughts of self harm
That's what the doctors always ask you. Have you had any thoughts of self-harm or similar wording. The one time I hinted that I didn't care if I lived, I got a psychiatrist assigned to me and at the beginning or end of every appointment he has the same thing. I'd...
Read moreIt is a hell I have accepted and adapted to but something really should change because enjoying life is hard from here.
Bad Mood Made Worse
It's Wednesday and a particularly down mood has struck me, mostly due to the fact that I've done a lot of bad mood drugs since Thursday of last week. Molly and cocaine both may be pleasurable during the hours of activity, but the following days are usually pretty...
Second Life 2023 return
I spent a lot of time in second life this weekend because I had Molly and since I don't have access to a real human to touch and cuddle, I settle for the artificial alternate universe that has voice but no touch or smell. Doesn't take too much to extend your beliefs...
A lot of forgetting this weekend.
I decided it was time to blog about my wild weekend since they don't happen very often. The landlord had invited his son over and we sat in the kitchen the three of us and got super high on weed and lines of coke. Lots of lines of coke.. I didn't sleep Friday but I...
3.46am. may the forth be with you.
I'm eating the last soft chocolate chip cookie. It's hard to fall asleep at 3am after an epic afternoon and evening on classic ecstasy and lots of weed. Lots. Only two more bites of cookie before lights out, trial 2. Just to make sure it's not successful, I just took...
Waves of Sadness between naps
I don't blog much anymore. I don't do much. Even when life events happen of any significance, like a gigantic bruise on my leg that is ever expanding after the pig attacked me earlier this week. I'm sleeping poorly most nights because my body has developed a new...
It’s your fault. (thinking chat game)
When I was in elemetary school, a friend and I invented a thinking game to play every day on the hour long bus ride to school. It is called; "It's your fault" and I still play it today when chat people send me a message starting with "it's your fault". Tonight, I...
The Lollypop effect
Some point form. I am not certain if I'm high on a strong edible weed or shroom. It was quite a wave of dumb for a while and I'm sad I didn't start this post till now. My mind came up with a whole campaign about politics. Oh yeah... If you're working for less than it...
I’m wounded and sore
I got beaten up earlier this evening. Knocked down into a pile of shit. My knee hurts and I was bleeding on my shin and ass. I'm still sore and have not slept because I'm sore in my usual sleep positions. I would say; you should see the other guy but I hardly got a...