Welcome to the Orange Shirt Blogs. A personal diary and gallery for OrangeJeff that I don’t share with everyone. It includes struggles with mental health, drug use, sexuality and life in general.

READ ME FIRST

READ ME FIRST

A previously secret collection of over a decade of journals and blogs from the mind of Orange Jeff telling...

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The Conversation Room

The Conversation Room

You see an online virtual mall filled with flashy storefronts and top notch animated advertisements everywhere. You walk down the pathway in awe at...

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The following week

The following week

I moved back to Toronto and found a nice little place for the first month to stay started work on Monday and on Thursday I left early. Friday we...

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Feelings Friday

Feelings Friday

The plans for today are in flux. As I was turning the key to lock the back door, my phone rang. My co-worker informed me that our boss has tested...

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Day two Milligan

Day two Milligan

Technically my Thursday at the bus stop but only my second day of work because discovered I didn't have any way to pay for the bus so it took the...

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Freaking out

Freaking out

It's hard to describe in words the way that I tend to freak out. It's kind of like... An explosion of thoughts followed immediately by a vacuum of...

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Day 2. Still not perfect

Day 2. Still not perfect

I know I should not be concentrating on the negatives but... I'm still smiling despite the setbacks. The amount of failing can hopefully make a...

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501L

501L

I foolishly thought all bus stops were equal on the Queen West line, so I missed the earlier one, but Google maps says I should still arrive before...

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My Day Job

My Day Job

I have not really had a sit at a desk all day job. It's been 25+ years since I've worked a job at all. This is a big life change in a few ways. I...

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The internal yes/no battle

The internal yes/no battle

When I have a task to do, and I can see how many steps are ahead, I debate. I feel tired and want to quit. I don't have to quit.i really need this...

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Shifted Friend Cirle

Shifted Friend Cirle

I think this probably happens to a lot of drug users. Once you start doing things high, and you want to share those stories, you have to select...

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Day T-1

Day T-1

Today is Sunday. My practice day to see that I can wake up and get things done. I won't say I'm failing already, but it certainly wasn't a totally...

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The Next Episode

The Next Episode

In the past. I have always talked about each new move as a Chapter in my life story. I learn so many new things when I'm living in the house with...

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Maybe it’s just Wednesday

Maybe it’s just Wednesday

There's a line in the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy which many of the fans know well and quote frequently. As often as 52 times a year I suppose....

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Argh.

Argh.

It's the last Monday of April and I haven't done much at all to secure a place to live. I can't decide whether my efforts to even look for a place...

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April Foolishness

April Foolishness

I have had a bad week. Perhaps my worst in years. I was supposed to be finding a new home and starting my new job/new life but instead I rocked back...

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The significance of nothing

The significance of nothing

I often tell clients that nothing means different things to different people. I often have to ask a lot of extra questions about what nothing means...

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4 days of stress sleep

I woke up today at 730am, ready to make today a different day. I had things to do. I took my my pill, drank my first 700ml of water and sat up to...

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Ambition

Ambition

When people ask what did you want to be when your grew up I used to answer; Saturday night live writer's room which was true but what recently I...

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Global communities ideas

Global communities ideas

This of course may fade away until I recycle it again as my dream. It combines all my ideas. Helping people with a trust relationship. Encouraging...

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The train back. Hope.

The train back. Hope.

I broke a rule. I'm only a little afraid. I think I can get out of the $400 file if this go train ride happens to check tickets. On all my ridrs do...

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Wild by my standards

Wild by my standards

It's 6am and even though I asked and she said no, when 8 asked again, I ended up changing her plans and spending the whole night talking. It's what...

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It should be a No-Brainer

It should be a No-Brainer

I am sitting outside in Ontario Spring, listening to horny birds chirping like kids on the first day of school. Each catching up with friends about...

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Hard Times

Hard Times

The last two years started this week. Job loss, car loss, home loss. I managed to find a new home for 70 days and then a new home again where I am...

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Time travel used to exist.

Time travel used to exist.

I just watched the latest and perhaps last Ryan Reynolds film; the Adam project. I am a fan of time travel stories and even have two projects...

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The Anxiety of Success

The Anxiety of Success

There is a phycology principal that describes the way failure can become a part of your identity. It makes change difficult because the future is...

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I divorce people

I divorce people

The new term in ghosting, but simply stopping contact with people has been a thing forever. I’m guilty of it. I stop contact with people now and...

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Today was a sad day.

Today was a sad day.

I slept in till around 3pm and had some cool dreams. My car hot towed again. I think that's the fifth car I've lost in my dream universe. That's how...

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When anger wins over logic

When anger wins over logic

I fear anger, and have spent my entire life avoiding it in every situation..I run from it. I hide and cry when others around me get angry. Sadly, my...

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Outside my door

Outside my door

I live in a 10x10 bedroom. I eat here. I sleep here. I work here. I watch TV here. Thanks to delivery food services and grocery, I don't really have...

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Web Design

Web Design

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The ups and downs

The ups and downs

That title should be the downs and the less downs. I'm not feeling very up of late. I have days when I don't quite feel as down as other days. It's...

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Getting used to doing nothing

Getting used to doing nothing

I imagine the idea of doing nothing may be hard to imagine for some people. They may even argue that doing nothing is impossible unless you're dead....

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Sunday Night Highlights

Sunday Night Highlights

I have discovered once again that more isn't always worth it. For me at least, sometimes I need a higher than average dose, but it is also true that...

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Psssst

Psssst

I wasn't totally honest about my cold turkey. Mmmmm... I love turkey. I'm up past midnight

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My office chair is my bed

My office chair is my bed

And that's a bad thing. The difference between laying down and sitting up is simply the position of my feet. My butt stays in approximately the same...

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