Welcome to the Orange Shirt Blogs. A personal diary and gallery for OrangeJeff that I don’t share with everyone. It includes struggles with mental health, drug use, sexuality and life in general.
Your friend smokes meth? DON’T RUN!
https://youtu.be/PB5bsFzl98Q I am a meth user, bothg my prescription from a psychiatrist, and from a trusted street dealer, which is easier to...
READ ME FIRST
A previously secret collection of over a decade of journals and blogs from the mind of Orange Jeff telling...
The Conversation Room
You see an online virtual mall filled with flashy storefronts and top notch animated advertisements everywhere. You walk down the pathway in awe at...
The following week
I moved back to Toronto and found a nice little place for the first month to stay started work on Monday and on Thursday I left early. Friday we...
Feelings Friday
The plans for today are in flux. As I was turning the key to lock the back door, my phone rang. My co-worker informed me that our boss has tested...
Day two Milligan
Technically my Thursday at the bus stop but only my second day of work because discovered I didn't have any way to pay for the bus so it took the...
My life long search for “A One”
It doesn't have to forever, but I want to meet somebody new and be good friends over a project. Every person, male or female that I meet is...
Freaking out
It's hard to describe in words the way that I tend to freak out. It's kind of like... An explosion of thoughts followed immediately by a vacuum of...
Day 2. Still not perfect
I know I should not be concentrating on the negatives but... I'm still smiling despite the setbacks. The amount of failing can hopefully make a...
501L
I foolishly thought all bus stops were equal on the Queen West line, so I missed the earlier one, but Google maps says I should still arrive before...
Morning Day 1… Things I’m doing wrong
This bedroom is awesome. My bed is awesome. The heavy fluffy comforter is awesome. I sleep motionless and deeply. The waking up part is less...
My Day Job
I have not really had a sit at a desk all day job. It's been 25+ years since I've worked a job at all. This is a big life change in a few ways. I...
The internal yes/no battle
When I have a task to do, and I can see how many steps are ahead, I debate. I feel tired and want to quit. I don't have to quit.i really need this...
Shifted Friend Cirle
I think this probably happens to a lot of drug users. Once you start doing things high, and you want to share those stories, you have to select...
Day T-1
Today is Sunday. My practice day to see that I can wake up and get things done. I won't say I'm failing already, but it certainly wasn't a totally...
The Next Episode
In the past. I have always talked about each new move as a Chapter in my life story. I learn so many new things when I'm living in the house with...
Hair transformation
Maybe it’s just Wednesday
There's a line in the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy which many of the fans know well and quote frequently. As often as 52 times a year I suppose....
Memory
Argh.
It's the last Monday of April and I haven't done much at all to secure a place to live. I can't decide whether my efforts to even look for a place...
Happy Idle
Time to celebrate, by sleeping
I can hardly bring myself to blog, which I seem to remember is a common symptom of my depression. Ironically the periods of my life I'd most like to...
April Foolishness
I have had a bad week. Perhaps my worst in years. I was supposed to be finding a new home and starting my new job/new life but instead I rocked back...
The significance of nothing
I often tell clients that nothing means different things to different people. I often have to ask a lot of extra questions about what nothing means...
4 days of stress sleep
I woke up today at 730am, ready to make today a different day. I had things to do. I took my my pill, drank my first 700ml of water and sat up to...
What I wrote down before forgetting
Best dream Me and three friends decide to go on a reunion trip and arrive 14 years in the future. A lot has changed. One died of aidds with hidden...
Ambition
When people ask what did you want to be when your grew up I used to answer; Saturday night live writer's room which was true but what recently I...
I’m in bed at 830pm on a Sunday.
It's possible this will be one of the very final weeks living here. As always, I have imagined Willie might be happy as he gets to hack to the...
The ideas I forgot about till now
Sadly, I've forgotten them again. It's nice when the best punchline happens to be the true one
Global communities ideas
This of course may fade away until I recycle it again as my dream. It combines all my ideas. Helping people with a trust relationship. Encouraging...
The train back. Hope.
I broke a rule. I'm only a little afraid. I think I can get out of the $400 file if this go train ride happens to check tickets. On all my ridrs do...
Wild by my standards
It's 6am and even though I asked and she said no, when 8 asked again, I ended up changing her plans and spending the whole night talking. It's what...
It should be a No-Brainer
I am sitting outside in Ontario Spring, listening to horny birds chirping like kids on the first day of school. Each catching up with friends about...
Business Open as Brain shuts down
I haven't been this busy in over 2 years so of course I sleep till 4:00 p.m. It's 4:30 now and I want to go back to sleep. I didn't answer two calls...
Hard Times
The last two years started this week. Job loss, car loss, home loss. I managed to find a new home for 70 days and then a new home again where I am...
Time travel used to exist.
I just watched the latest and perhaps last Ryan Reynolds film; the Adam project. I am a fan of time travel stories and even have two projects...
Kaos party. Everybody join in.
Today is his birthday. 68 or 69 I think. I didn't ask, because I'm staying baracaded in my room away from the madness that fills the house. The...
The Anxiety of Success
There is a phycology principal that describes the way failure can become a part of your identity. It makes change difficult because the future is...
Levels
I divorce people
The new term in ghosting, but simply stopping contact with people has been a thing forever. I’m guilty of it. I stop contact with people now and...
I almost cried when my doctor called.
I'm near tears right now, but managing. I had high hopes for a call from my doctor. I had plans of what to say. 45 seconds later, we were saying...
Today was a sad day.
I slept in till around 3pm and had some cool dreams. My car hot towed again. I think that's the fifth car I've lost in my dream universe. That's how...
When anger wins over logic
I fear anger, and have spent my entire life avoiding it in every situation..I run from it. I hide and cry when others around me get angry. Sadly, my...
Outside my door
I live in a 10x10 bedroom. I eat here. I sleep here. I work here. I watch TV here. Thanks to delivery food services and grocery, I don't really have...
Web Design
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The ups and downs
That title should be the downs and the less downs. I'm not feeling very up of late. I have days when I don't quite feel as down as other days. It's...
Getting used to doing nothing
I imagine the idea of doing nothing may be hard to imagine for some people. They may even argue that doing nothing is impossible unless you're dead....
Sunday Night Highlights
I have discovered once again that more isn't always worth it. For me at least, sometimes I need a higher than average dose, but it is also true that...
Psssst
I wasn't totally honest about my cold turkey. Mmmmm... I love turkey. I'm up past midnight
Oh yeah… It’s Friday already
It's not like there is any real significance to weekends when you're at home 24/7. I still honour our cultural traditions and not get high till...
My office chair is my bed
And that's a bad thing. The difference between laying down and sitting up is simply the position of my feet. My butt stays in approximately the same...
