Orange Shirt Blogs

Warning: Heavy Drug use

Welcome to the Orange Shirt Blogs. A personal space that I don’t share with everyone. It includes honest blogging about my struggles with mental health, drug use, sexuality and life in general.

The Drug BlogsThe Drug Videos

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Mood Swing

I had to abandon my whole shopping cart at Walmart today. They declined my card. The app shows I have enough money. It just fails. I'm out with family and that spoiled my day. It's not just that I can't buy my groceries and I'll have no fudgcycles or chocolate when I...

Wet Hay, and me

Wet Hay, and me

Today’s the first day that I have been somewhat stranded in the rain. I guess anything’s better than snow at this point

Am I proud?

Am I proud?

This past week I started my trend of creating videos and manipulating images while high. In the past year or so, there has been amazing advancements in AI video and image creation. So I had quite a bit of fun this week and created a whole bunch of images and videos...

The 3:30am decision

By now, it's pretty much a given that day 3 comes and goes without sleep. It's Wednesday and for a short moment it seemed like there was a chance I might fall asleep, but then I make the decision to stay up, so I blow three clouds. I've been listening to a lot of...

The routine adapts

I had two good sleeps, back to back. All day and all-night Friday. Today I need to concentrate on nourishment. I need more food in me to give me strength and energy. It would have been the right time to take a break from daily usage. I smell. The room smells. I'm worn...

Big Ben

Big Ben

Ben looks like a great Pyrenees dog. He's huge and white and has the dew claws. Apparently he's not officially a great Pyrenees but he's close. The second dog I ever owned was a great Pyrenees and he was quite dumb and unfortunately chaste moving cars so he didn't...

Comparing Better

Comparing Better

There is no denying that living in a bedroom that is almost 100° f is a bed that is infested with bed bugs that eat away at you each night by the hundreds in a house owned by an unpredictable control freak with lots of issues is not a healthy environment. My current...

Crazy shit

Crazy shit

There are quite a few crazy things drug users do that seems foreign to those who are not. Rationalations and justifications and waking up at 230am on a much needed sleep day because it's probably confession day so I wanted to be high far enough in advance to mask the...

Distraction Post

Distraction Post

This is an experimental pull from Facebook that displayed all my profile pics. From Profile pictures. Posted by Jeff Goebel on 10/11/2010 (121 items) Ni I have found people responsive to my own mental illness when it becomes a topic. In m... Doplegammer! Generated by...

Am I proud?

New Farm Life

For the last 3 years I've lived on a half acre property that I called a farm. There was one gigantic pig, two dogs, nine cat, broken into two groups of four and five that weren't allowed to interact with each other, a bunch of chickens, and a mean rooster that I...

The battle against regret

This is Friday. On Monday morning, I got into the car with my sister and we started a mini vacation to the Vancouver area. I am not certain how I feel about the whole experience yet because I've been under the influence of my drugs in secret the whole time. I have...

Am I normal enough for you?

I am feeling anxious today. It's the last day of my week long mini vacation as with most things, the end means it's time for evaluation. Both inside my head, and on the minds of others, in this case, my travel companion sister. She has real concern for my wellbeing...

Uneasy feeling. Mind and body

I don't feel good. I'm thinking too much and it's making me feel almost sick. I don't say anything because it will start something I'm not equipped to handle now. I can't decide whether eating would have helped or not. I can't decide anything. It is not a pleasant...

If I was honest, nobody would believe me

My story is one that is probably so foreign to many people, that it seems made up, or at least exagurated. I am an odd case. I was almost self raised with less guidance that I would have gotten if I was left with wolves. I suppose when I start making statements like...

Am I proud?

A new twist on my continuing idea.

A lot of my ideas for businesses come from previous ideas expanded. There are things that I want to do but. because I'm me haven't been able to do and so I keep coming back to them with different versions until maybe one day I can. complete one.. My current project at...

Am I proud?

Emotions are confusing

It's September 10th already. A lot has happened around me and including me and I have not been handling it very well. I wasn't even blogging about it. I just got high and tried to avoid consequences. I'm not happy in a different way than I was before. More guilt here...

Life loops. Chores

Life loops. Chores

I have always seen life as a series of loops. Things that happen over and over that old people see more clearly than young people. The way of the world in a constant repetition starting with day after day, week after week, year after year but also the loops of society...

Has it only been one day?

Has it only been one day?

It seems so long since I've blogged but apparently, it was yesterday. I did nothing today. My only accomplishment besides getting the mail and eating was the brilliant idea to check the internet about my problem with the broken tv. I got it working around 5pm so my...

Club.frogstar.com

I want to share with you a dream project I have been developing. It is an online private social club for drug fans to hang out and mingle. Unlike many social media sites, we won't block you for drug content. I own a hosting company and I'm a web developer so the sky...

Am I proud?

Fuck god didn’t let me say it.

The most significant fucking dream of my life And I woke up to pee at the best part. I probably can't explain it in the detail of needs now. Fuck. I was doing a court ordered monologue on stage for my admission to the good place, and I made it, but they didn't let me...

Scary Mafia Dream

Last night I had a scary dream. I had gotten myself into trouble by becoming involved with a mafia drug dealer that freely killed people in front of me. I was following the rules and instructions as I do, but I wasn't being treated fairly. Other employees were being...

CTRL-ALT-DELETE Life Reboot.

I saw an old video clip featuring Adam Sandler sketch from Saturday Night Live this week. It was a travel commercial parody about Italy. It's main focus was the single premise; Of you're not happy at home, you won't be happy here....

Scripted Dreams

Scripted Dreams

I almost always dream in a universe seperate from my reality. It has differences from my awake world but it's pretty consistent within itself. Then there my scripted dreams. I'm not always in them.Dreams that are presented more formally as either existing movies or TV...

Am I proud?

Using up my un-used burden points

Fuck it. Throw it all away. This time I mean it. I sense a pattern. I don't like the whole act of moving, so I always end up just staring into space for the final week, not able to compartmentalize tasks, and then I just walk away with things undone, leaving a massive...

Am I proud?

A new first…

As I draw closer to the end of this chapter of my life, I didn't expect to get into many new fighting matches. I didn't see today's manic outburst coming, but of course, in hindsight, I should not have been surprised that my comments ignited such rage. A conversation...

The Wednesday Overwhelming

The Wednesday Overwhelming

I didn't get much done today, and I really needed to. its Wednesday and I had tentatively planned to visit Toronto one last time before moving thousands of kilometres away to the next chapter in my life story. I decided to make this chapter a fresh break in a new...

Friday Night Lockout

Friday Night Lockout

I'm not sure whether things like this are intentional or not, and I'm not sure how to react or what to do because I like to not be a bother and rock the boat. This is especially true right now because he's decided to be angry with me this month. Little things will...

8:23pm came with a side of sadness.

8:23pm came with a side of sadness.

I've been doing ok with life. I know I'm doing poorly and only getting a few tasks done per day. By around 3pm I nap or just stare at the ceiling. Later in the afternoon, I start TV and get a few shows in before sleep. More accurately, before I lay still awaiting...

Am I proud?

Motivation stall

It's Wednesday morning at 8:45 a.m. and already I haven't done anything. Starting on Sunday I was quite motivated to be productive and then Monday and Tuesday I followed up with slightly lessened productivity but still 3 days that I consider somewhat progressive...

Am I proud?

Mid May update

There are moments in my life when I'm not sad. Not many these days, but some. Today had a few of those moments in between the depression. I paid down the electricity bill by begging for help. A $900 payment stayed off the disconnect, but not for long. Despite paying...

Thoughts of self harm

That's what the doctors always ask you. Have you had any thoughts of self-harm or similar wording. The one time I hinted that I didn't care if I lived, I got a psychiatrist assigned to me and at the beginning or end of every appointment he has the same thing. I'd...

It is a hell I have accepted and adapted to but something really should change because enjoying life is hard from here.

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Bad Mood Made Worse

It's Wednesday and a particularly down mood has struck me, mostly due to the fact that I've done a lot of bad mood drugs since Thursday of last week. Molly and cocaine both may be pleasurable during the hours of activity, but the following days are usually pretty...

3.46am. may the forth be with you.

I'm eating the last soft chocolate chip cookie. It's hard to fall asleep at 3am after an epic afternoon and evening on classic ecstasy and lots of weed. Lots. Only two more bites of cookie before lights out, trial 2. Just to make sure it's not successful, I just took...

The Lollypop effect

Some point form. I am not certain if I'm high on a strong edible weed or shroom. It was quite a wave of dumb for a while and I'm sad I didn't start this post till now. My mind came up with a whole campaign about politics. Oh yeah... If you're working for less than it...

I’m wounded and sore

I got beaten up earlier this evening. Knocked down into a pile of shit. My knee hurts and I was bleeding on my shin and ass. I'm still sore and have not slept because I'm sore in my usual sleep positions. I would say; you should see the other guy but I hardly got a...