This page has been configured to filter out the drug related posts. The following blogs are relatively free of drug use or content although they may acknowledge that I am a user.
Life loops. Chores
I have always seen life as a series of loops. Things that happen over and over that old people see more clearly than young people. The way of the world in a constant repetition starting with day after day, week after week, year after year but also the loops of society...
My theory of the universe. Part x
a concept that struck me today with no warning. we cant travel at light speed. it may take centuries to happen, bit we would die instantly like a flashlight beam hitting a wall.
Scripted Dreams
I almost always dream in a universe seperate from my reality. It has differences from my awake world but it's pretty consistent within itself. Then there my scripted dreams. I'm not always in them.Dreams that are presented more formally as either existing movies or TV...
Trying hard to not feel bad
As one chapter ends, a new life begins. Living out of a knapsack at age 60
The Wednesday Overwhelming
I didn't get much done today, and I really needed to. its Wednesday and I had tentatively planned to visit Toronto one last time before moving thousands of kilometres away to the next chapter in my life story. I decided to make this chapter a fresh break in a new...
Friday Night Lockout
I'm not sure whether things like this are intentional or not, and I'm not sure how to react or what to do because I like to not be a bother and rock the boat. This is especially true right now because he's decided to be angry with me this month. Little things will...
8:23pm came with a side of sadness.
I've been doing ok with life. I know I'm doing poorly and only getting a few tasks done per day. By around 3pm I nap or just stare at the ceiling. Later in the afternoon, I start TV and get a few shows in before sleep. More accurately, before I lay still awaiting...
Funny thing happened on the way to the bin
Just as I’m preparing to move, life laughs at me
Don’t stall till Friday… Don’t stall till Friday
I have to chant this over and over. Don't stall till Friday. Today, at 8:31 a.m., I called the power company and pleaded with them to give me an extra week. Today was the last day before we got our disconnect notice and I still don't have any idea how I'll come up...
I’ll do it right after a quick nap
My social media feeds these days are all filled with people talking about their ADHD symptoms. It's trending to be autistic apparently which makes it all the more difficult for people who have known about this for years. Now when I complain about ADHD symptoms, people...
I took out the garbage – in a dream
I forgot to wake up before I remembered to take out the garbage to the curb this morning.
Oops. 4pm was too late.
I procrastinate for all kinds of reasons. Different diagnoses come up with different reasons or justifications. ADHD explains it away and avoidance disorder explains it away. Sometimes it's just my overall fear of letting people down and being yelled at. Today I...
I have some emotions. Sadness Mostly.
I don't think about depression the same way anymore. I think about life more with sadness and frustration than I think about depression but I think it's all the same. I can't imagine what I'd be like if I wasn't taking my paxil daily. It allows me to be happy in the...
Read moreIt is a hell I have accepted and adapted to but something really should change because enjoying life is hard from here.
Bad Mood Made Worse
It's Wednesday and a particularly down mood has struck me, mostly due to the fact that I've done a lot of bad mood drugs since Thursday of last week. Molly and cocaine both may be pleasurable during the hours of activity, but the following days are usually pretty...
Second Life 2023 return
I spent a lot of time in second life this weekend because I had Molly and since I don't have access to a real human to touch and cuddle, I settle for the artificial alternate universe that has voice but no touch or smell. Doesn't take too much to extend your beliefs...
A lot of forgetting this weekend.
I decided it was time to blog about my wild weekend since they don't happen very often. The landlord had invited his son over and we sat in the kitchen the three of us and got super high on weed and lines of coke. Lots of lines of coke.. I didn't sleep Friday but I...
It’s your fault. (thinking chat game)
When I was in elemetary school, a friend and I invented a thinking game to play every day on the hour long bus ride to school. It is called; "It's your fault" and I still play it today when chat people send me a message starting with "it's your fault". Tonight, I...
I’m wounded and sore
I got beaten up earlier this evening. Knocked down into a pile of shit. My knee hurts and I was bleeding on my shin and ass. I'm still sore and have not slept because I'm sore in my usual sleep positions. I would say; you should see the other guy but I hardly got a...
The Trust Issue
I have known two friends in my life that don’t love themselves. They have not been overly successful in finding partners because of this. This little story came to me after a dream and I am debating whether to share it with them or not.
1am Again.
I can't tell if my insomnia today is real or in my mind. I'm not sure that it matters all that much, because either way, I'm still awake at 1:00 a.m. and I anticipate it's made last the whole night. Early this morning I blogged about how small a quantity of meth smoke...
I’m Chicken
I wish I had the nerve and the talent to properly express myself on websites and figure out how to meet people and mingle. I am a 59-year-old male with excellent communication skills. I'm a nice guy but I am asexual and have never really experienced passion or...
Less blogging as expected
It's not that my life is more exciting when I'm using drugs, it's that I sleep more when I'm not. My life has about the same level of excitement either way but when I am sleeping, I'm less likely to blog. Ironically, I've had some pretty amazing dreams the past week...
My sneaky tricks have failed me
Galley of playing around on my phone in the dark during the night hours
That moment between tasks.
Feeding the pig and then trying to fit it under a blanket without upsetting it.