The difference between yesterday and today is a significant. Such a quick transition in moods can be educational. As I return to emotional stability in 24 hour periods, I get to see myself in a bad way and a positive way in almost a side by side comparison.

Yesterday I hated myself and didn’t see a way for it to ever end, and then it ended and I was back to being more positive.

Today is day 2 of recovery and I’m still very unfocused. I bought a pizza by delivery at great expense. I needed food. I needed pizza. It’s been a while since I’ve had one. I don’t like paying the premium for delivery and I won’t go pick it up on transit. I’ve been living without during this time while my car remains dormant in need of repair above my budget.

It helped. I have not been eating well for a week. Another full night sleep and I may return to working full productive days.

I need that as one of the prime steps to my recovery. I have work to do, people to keep happy, and bills to pay.

A few days off can throw an extra stress into that routine. 

I finish this journal entry closer to happy. My new found confidence leads me to believe in myself. My understanding of how I was compared to how I am, and who I am is expanding every day. 

Every time I see my routine as an endless loop of trial and error, I see it looping a better version with each loop. I am learning life in real time and I’m ok with that.

Today.

I’ll let you know how I feel tomorrow.

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