I want to run. To give up. To fail and start again. It’s kinda my thing. Key phrases from my therapy pop back up and I reframe them as reasons to fail.
Completing things is where all the risk comes, in life and web design. It’s admirable to be in progress and trying. When it’s done, it might not be perfect. People might not like it.
I will find some way to call it a fail, but when it’s a work in progress it’s all good.
This is why I start things, abandon them and start other things.
This revelation makes me sad today. I’m still in my crying mood.
I had a few really wild dreams this day, during my first sleep in a while. Reliant business dreams from my current life. Dreams mixed with imagery I’m proud of and subtle jabs at previous failures. Fascinating dreams I wish I could recall enough to learn from but the level of detail deteriorates if I try to press further.
Tomorrow is a big day. I will want to fail, bail and run away. It’s terrifying that success to me now appears as the scariest of all options available before me.
A mental breakdown seems the logical choice. And that thought alone by itself should be a clear sign I’m still not evaluating the world through unfiltered eyes. I want to believe that there will be a significant improvement in all around me between my mood and situation in the time between now, and when I next wake up. Just like there was between yesterday and today.
I suppose believing that every day from now on is the secret to …
Waking up each day.
And quitting each day.
- April 9, 2019 @ 16:20:05 [Current Revision] by Jeff Goebel
- April 9, 2019 @ 16:20:05 by Jeff Goebel