Just a brief blog posting, late in December before the new year and SUPER MONDAY comes. I’ve not been smoking much weed of late, and not doing any other drugs, and so sadly, I have been blogging less.
Life seems great in most aspects since I’ve been prescribed a legal variation of amphetamine that seems socially acceptable for Attention Deficit disorder. There mere mention of “crystal meth” brings horror visuals to people’s minds, but prescription A.DD medication is considered a cure. For me, it’s been a miracle drug and has allowed me to do many things for the first time ever, if you don’t count the self medicating years with the street version.
My days are filled with focus and productivity and a special kind of happy confidence that borders on oblivious. I feel no need for the self medication I have been using all my life, with only one exception.
I’m not blogging. I’m not writing. I’m not enjoying the creative freedom of mind that once allowed me to invent entire universes, and business ideas, and T Shirt slogans. Ironically, my new foicus and excitement would be prefct for such projects under the right guidance… but I need weed to think of them… and I don’t feel the need for weed these days.
So with so many good things, the downside is oddly positive and simultaneously negative. I don’t miss the intoxication because I’m enjoying the productivity. I’m a new man (again) but with a new optimism that this might stick.
I suspect that’ll all change once I figure out how to use these new tools to pull myself out of the debt I left myself in by buying all those drugs.
I’m poor and can’t afford drugs now, even if I did want them. Of course, if they were here, or within my very tight budget, I’d do them and feel different I’m sure. If I’m productive and start making some money again, I’ll see how my willpower holds. I’ve never really been against drug use. I’m not reformed… I ‘ve always been able to take year long breaks until the recent binges caused mostly by the amphetamine… but now with a daily slow release version under Doctor’s approval, I might just become a better person.
I am a better person. I like me. I also understand others like me too, which was always a mystery I wasn’t quite certain of before therapy.
I’m sure I’ll be blogging again soon enough. Even without weed, this blog was enjoyable. I am quite certain my posts will be easier to read and make sense without the weed, but for now I’ve been enjoying the delight of web design rather than content creation. I’ve revamped all my sites using the new 2019 WordPress and DIVI tools. I’ve even put my 24 hour webcams back on.
- December 29, 2018 @ 12:29:38 [Current Revision] by Jeff Goebel
- December 29, 2018 @ 12:29:00 by Jeff Goebel