It’s a week and a bit since I started the new perscription from my phyciatrist. I didn’t really ask for the drugs, although that was my intent for the last three years. The whole story stems from me wanting to see if amphedimine based medication would work for me, because my A.DD has gotten more noticiable since I started evaluation my life when I had to live on my own for the first time. 

I needed to make changes. I could no longer rely on my 20 year old referral customers from Torontos’ original cool servoice provider. As it turned out. illegally aquired amphedemine is sold under the name crystal meth, and having tried meth in today’s society and being public bout it is as life changing as having been in jail. It changes people’s story about you and it’s a line of comprehenmsion many people can’t cross.

However, if I’m on Aderal and it’s working wonders to keep me motivated, confident and focused enough to work long hours, and nor have the blah feeling I got when I was pe4rscribed ridalin.

For me, amphedemine seemed to be a wonder drug, still in it’s early “cult” stage that people are afraid of because the propaganda against it is extreme. I have a very vivid memory of the before and after pictures and the ad campains. The DRUGS.INC episode that shows people living under a bridge and pan handling for meth.

I used it medicinally becauyse doctiors are suspiciuous of requests for amphedemine and even after having a family doctor I was up front and honest with, I could not get legal aderall.

The story I’m not quite sure how to tell.  I am essentially on the generic versopon of Adderal XR. The single capsul in the morning and I think, 3 release periods. I am starting to detect a down and an up at least at 3pm-ish depending on when I take the pill each morning. I’m not certain it’s future with me. We may discontinue or change the dosage as the weeks pass. My brain is still getting used to it. It is stronger than the illegal meth I was using, or at least in the way it effected me. I have a distint feeling it may be more addictive.

But if I’d been exposed on this medication, rather than crysatal Meth, the story would not have existed that sticks in the minds of anyone I share that story with. 

It might end up being a miracle drug… for me.

I’m virtually at rock bottom anyway, so a magic pill might be a saviour, and I’m willing to have a better mindest and more functional brain, even… well… 

Oh look, a zeppelin.

It’s November 23rd. Financially it’s not good. I have a cheque that has not been promised before Dec 1 despite being 3 months late. If I miss Insurance this week, they’l cancel it all.

I’ll be late with rent.

I am however, enjoying web design like never before and working 9 to 3 minimum on billable good work. Confidence building and experience in DIVI expertise.

-blank – too many thoughts.

I have only one more dab left of my wonderfully strong indica goo. The stropnmgest mind melt THC I’ve had in a while, or not… but the effect with the adderal is quite — the opposite of intence.


Realization Lightbulb

The disconnect between myself, and the weed high version of myself goes both ways. I do not remember the other life well. The moment the weed takes effect, it’s like; “Oh yeah… I’m back in this Universe. I created it the very first time I got high, and it bkeeps growing.

Nevermind.  I am learning my stoned writing is often hard to follow, or start to follow. I write with the prequisite of my thoughts and memories that are not included on the page, so genius ideas are lost in that gibberish. Weed for scale.

#adjustedforweed

I’m very proud of that for example, and my mind wandered to marketing hashtags and some of the ideas that sparked the last time I went down that thought stream. Genius adjusted for weed is a hashtag to be useed when you write an incredibly glorious idea, but you’re high on weed, so it could be ridiculous when read tomorrow.


I have oine dab left, and I write I’m going to do my best to keep the excitement of progress and work up and get things done, and not refill. Buying dabs is more ilegal now than it was a month ago, so I might try to do without. Save the money for meat and frozen microwave chicken pasta bags.

The problem with weed absiance right now, is that the stoned Jeff is the one that writes everything down and comes up with tyhe genius,m or potential genious. Not stoned Jeff is a drone, but happy for the first time in a long time.

ding.

too happy?

I have used my happiness to avoid the wall. The wall of tomorrow. That place I throw my bnegativity and chores and anything hat breaks the smile. I

I am addicted to the feeling of happiness/
But lucilky I’ve learned how to fake it | syntizize it out of pizza and chocolate

Great… now I want pizza and chocolate.

ding.

This is what I say I’d like to try right now.

Orange Jeff on set, and I read this as written if I can.

I was about to complex-out the task and giove up before I started because Ideally I could do this as an elaborate production. I tehd to blow it up from DO IT NOW to a project, and then fail because I’m still quite high.

#TOOHIGHFORTHAT

#can’t-high

Idea: I think people would buy 4″ version of cubicle T shirts.

I think people would buy cardboard T shirts

I think people might buy TIE-TEES   (a small T shirt for the end of your tie to comply with office standards but still show the new Star Wars – Black Swan crossover gag.

T Shirt broaches

T shirt slogans on caps (as T shirts)


Whatavere I was going to do, I didn’t… and I swear, in the moment I did not remember that I always say that. I did not remember the enegative logic that would often stop me from starting.

I had full intention to do the thing.

But I do have a good excuse to not.  When I had the idea, I was alone and could talk. Now there are people I will be conciuous of disturbing.

If I had one person to do it with, I would have. 

end of part 1. 7pm Friday.

Back to interupted viewing of Miss Peregrine’s…

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