It’s not actually a waiting room at my doctor’s office. It’s an open concept area with the nurse reception behind a thick glass. It’s one if those designs somebody thought was new and modern but the staff actually hate. Almost every time I need to talk to the reception she stands and walk out if her cage to the side door, totally defeating the purpose.

I suppose the front line of healthcare often gets the abuse which might also include germ spewing in coughs or sneezes. Heath care is on if those occupations that often deals with all types of people including the angry and crazy.

I’m trying to remember if most offices have a bulletproof protection wall for the people up front who really only tell you when to enter and when to come back. I suppose angry people are angry to whoever is up front.

I arrived 15 minutes early, as is my way. Today the area is pretty full. I suspect that means I could have arrived late and still been early, but being late makes me a little sick and that might affect my results.

I had to divide whether to partake in my daily meds or not. The focus meds intake are definitely not doctor approved and I think she is aware. I probably won’t bring it up but she may. My breathing and heart rate are probably noticeably different. 

I suspect it will come up. My therapist felt obligated, perhaps by law to mention it to my doctor. It was one if the reasons I was asked to come in. Although I probably won’t stop using it at this time, it makes to have checkups now and then. I’m hopeful she won’t tell me it’s killing me fast and tell me all sorts of horrible damage I have done and what I can expect in the coming weeks, or months or years.

I’m in a weird place where my mood is high and my work is at a place better than its ever been, but the good is assisted by the bad. Heath care professionals tend to care more about my health so I expect some pushback on me continuing my usage.

It would be petty to put the blame on her. The story goes back to my original visit with this Doctor. My intent was to establish a relationship so that I would be able to ask for a prescription of amphetamine in hopes it would solve my issues with mote positive results than Ritalin.

Through various circumstances, that didn’t work out and I discovered the illegal street amphetamine was actually a good solution, but with the side effects of addiction and perhaps nasal damage.

That was over a year ago, and in that time, the word leaked out and I socially lost several relationships. I’m more sad about that than any other side effects. My circle of friends is mostly filled with people who are not drug users.they were tolerant of weed, but less so of the others, and hearing the word meth was enough to make some run away and never associate with me again.

I understand and respect peoples rights to stereotype me without more details, especially given their children were approaching drug curiosity age. It’s still dad to lose friends.

Had I been prescribed a legal version, things would have unfolded differently I suspect.

There was a period when depression was strong and suicide was a consideration. These drugs helped. Quite a bit. They still do, and have allowed me to enjoy very productive work days unlike anything before.

It’s sad they have to be so bad. It would be amazing to be healthy and acceptable in society.

Oh well.

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