With no clear reason, today was a sad day. It reminded me of the weepy Wednesdays I’d often have after a weekend of ecstasy, but that wasn’t the reason this week… Since it’s been over 4 weeks since I’ve done any of that.
I just had one of those slumps I used to have now and then, where I don’t have a lot to do, and I start thinking about life, the universe and everything.
Despite being happier and more productive these past few weeks, it’s easy to forget that my life is still kind of sucks… If I let myself think about it that way. I may be off drugs, and I’m supposed to be happy about that, but I still have all my other problems. I’m still on medication for obcession and depression, and am not on medication for my A. D. D.
I still live alone and work alone and spend almost all my time alone with a personality that craves people and attention. I’m still a slob. I’m stil blah blah blah blah.
I’m still sad sometimes. I suppose it was due, after 4 weeks of sobriety, which is the longest streak I’ve had since October. This is probably the kind of sad slump I’d cure with a high in the past. Today I decided to clear it with a nice air conditioned trip to Waterloo and lunch with a friend at the Mandarin all you can eat buffet.
Neither of those two things helped, and although the disappointment of thge Mandarin not having two of my favourite foods because it was the Moon festival again didn’t actually make me feel any worse, the other one did.
My friend described to me some news that made my sadness get worse. If you’ve read my writings, or know much about me, I admit I often say or so things that upset my friends. I regret it after the fact, but I still often blab opinions and hurtful punchlines I should not have. It’s a trait I first discovered in high school and have been working to decrease, but it’s a hard one because the comments come out before I have time to think about them. Apparently blurting is a common symptom of A.D.D
Today I learned an effect of my recent drug story has changed the relationship between this friend and I. I not only hurt an angered her with my actions, I also scared her spouse. I caused tension.
End. Too sad to write about today. Maybe later.